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Is ISA for Me

Who We Are

Officially formed in 2011, ISA grew from a small group of individuals who wished to overcome the traumatic effects of infidelity and sexual betrayal. ISA is a unique 12-Step program modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous with one clear distinction – our approach to healing is not based on a “disease” or “addiction” model. As such, ISA Members are not defined by others. ISA Members are self-defined – the only requirement to be an ISA is the desire to overcome the traumatic effects caused by infidelity, sexual betrayal or compulsive sexual behavior in one’s primary intimate relationship.

Our program is designed to honor the ISA Traditions, which guide our organization and our group meetings. We honor anonymity as the spiritual foundation of the ISA Traditions. We encourage members to explore their belief system and find a Higher Power, which will bring about personal change, foster hope and ultimately lead to finding wholeness.

Who We Are

What We Do

ISA helps infidelity and sexual betrayal survivors across the world. In ISA, we learn practical tools, work the ISA 12-Steps, and experience the ISA promises.  Our program is designed to provide a safe and welcoming environment for members to share their pain, seek support, find fellowship and ultimately heal.

We promote a considerate, empowered, and deliberate approach for members to heal from trauma.  It is our intention and greatest hope that infidelity survivors will define themselves, determine their own needs, support others through service and live a spiritual life of recovery based on the ISA 12-Steps.

What We Do

How It Works


Addressing the debilitating effects of trauma is a top priority for new members. We have found that members heal and grow in recovery when they establish a strong self-care routine before beginning structured 12-Step work. Tools that empower and facilitate healing are offered to those who are suffering from trauma.

While adapted from other 12-Step programs, the ISA 12-Steps are designed to help members embark on a spiritual journey of healing and wholeness. This enables ISA Members to find a way out of the trauma they have experienced and begin a spiritual process of finding out who they are and how they want to live. Many of our members find new ways to live purposeful and joyful lives from working the ISA 12-Steps.


As members of ISA, we are bound by the common thread of trauma and our journey in search for wholeness. While our stories, suffering and spirituality may look very different, we are united through our experience of trauma, as well as our desire to recover from trauma.


Based on our collective experience, we feel it is important for members to be self-defined. We choose not to label others because we trust that our members have the tools they need to define themselves.

Similarly, we do not have an opinion on what constitutes infidelity because members have different experiences and therefore hold different definitions. We consider all definitions valid.


We see our members as empowered and resourceful individuals who are capable of finding their own solutions and making decisions concerning their needs, families and futures. ISA supports members in remaining autonomous and empowered.


We welcome anyone from any faith or non-faith background. We welcome people in all stages of recovery and in any relationship status.


We do not discriminate against anyone.


ISA is self-governing and self-sustaining through member service. Guided by our Higher Power, ISA Members often experience spiritual awakenings, which move them to support others in their healing journeys. Through ISA Members Traditions and Promises as well as Fellowship, we carry the message of healing and hope to those who still suffer.

How It Works


Is ISA specifically for early recovery, or dealing with the initial trauma caused by betrayal?

  • We created ISA to provide a safe place for individuals at all stages of recovery from infidelity and all relationship statuses.


Do you consider ISA a religious program?

  • We are a spiritual – not religious – program and we welcome people from all spiritual backgrounds.


I have difficulties with the concepts of God or Higher Power, can I still attend a meeting and work the ISA 12 steps?

  • Yes. ISA welcomes everyone who has encountered infidelity. You choose what works for you and how you define your Higher Power. Some people have found it helpful to define working the steps or attending a meeting as their Higher Power.  


Why is it so important to use “I” statements when sharing in a meeting?

  • When we use “I” statements it forces us to take responsibility for our own beliefs and behaviors. The use of “I” statements also helps to make the meeting safe for others who may disagree with our opinions or have had different life experiences. 


What is the difference between a sponsor, a recovery partner, and an accountability partner?

  • A sponsor is a member of the fellowship who has completed the 12-steps and can help you work through the steps.

  • A recovery partner is someone with whom you choose to work the steps when a sponsor is not available.

  • An accountability partner is a friend in the fellowship who helps you to stay in integrity with the commitments you have made to yourself.

Is ISA also for men who have been betrayed?

  • Yes. You will find information regarding meeting type (Female, Male, Co-Ed) on the Find a Meeting page.

What if I see someone I know?

  • ISA is a confidential fellowship. For the safety of our members, we ask all who attend to respect the privacy of those who shared and those who listened.

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